THE WRECKIEST EPIC
by CandleHeadButt
Summary: A TRUE EPIC OF OUR TIME


"Where is everybody?" Ralph asked as he walked out of Niceland. Things looks normal enough; the skies were dark, the stars were out, the clouds were floating above, the ducks were quacking in the pond.

And yet, something felt off.

The Wrecker couldn't put his big fist to it but he felt uneasy, he felt at the edge of his giant toes. He felt that something should have happened but he didn't know what.

"Maybe the guys know what's going on…."

Ralph walked into the apartment, happy to find a few of his friends in the atrium, sitting on the couch and chatting.

"So maybe we should-!" said Felix.

"I don't know. They're tough! They can-!" said Calhoun.

"Ralph might beat one at a time! Maybe…." Said Vanellope.

"Hey guys!" Ralph waved, smiling brightly "What's up?"

"What's up?" asked Felix, looking a little surprised that Ralph had come towards him looking so happy "Ya know EXACTLY what's up, Ralph!"

"Ah, come again?"

"C'mon Stink-Breath! We got a Wrecker problem on our hands!" said Vanellope as she glitched towards her friend "A BIG one!"

"A WRECKER problem?" said Ralph "Uh, if this is about the time I broke the punch bowl at the last party, I already apologized for that! Geeze guys!"

"There ain't time for parties!" growled Calhoun, standing up and marching towards Ralph "We gotta come up with a plan to rid ourselves of those Wreckers before they destroy our apartment!"

Wrecker _ **S**_?

With an **S**?

Now Ralph was interested.

As far as he knew, he was the only Wrecker in the game, in the arcade! What were the others going about talking about Wrecker _ **S**_ destroying everything?

And where were the Nicelanders?

If there were multiple Wreckers in Niceland, then Gene would have gone up in arms about the entire situation, calling EVERYONE to batten down the apartment and prepare for the worse but for some reason, the little man in blue was nowhere to be found. In fact, NONE of the Nicelanders were to be found.

"Guys?" Ralph asked, looking around.

"Yeah, brother?"

"Where are the Nicelanders?"

"What's a Nicelander?" asked Vanellope "Is it a kinda candy?"

"Hehe, you're jokin' right?" Ralph snickered "Okay, okay. This is a joke right? Everyone is still upset about that punch-bowl thing aren't they?"

"Ralph, this is serious!"

"So where are the guys? Hidin' in the closet?" the big man said as he walked over to the closet, opening it up to see if the others were inside "Are they all in the penthouse? Waitin' outside to pelt me with water-balloons or-?"

 **BOOM!**

What was that?

 **BOOM!**

Vanellope jumped to her feet, looking this way and that "NO!"

Felix followed, looking even more nervous than the racer "THEY'RE HERE!"

Another huge tremor hit the ground and then another and the another!

In fact, it felt like SEVERAL people were RUSHING to the apartments but why?

Ralph nearly fell to the floor, grabbing onto one of the fancy pillars in the atrium "DA HECK IS THIS?!"

Calhoun grabbed a gun and cocked it "TROUBLE!"

 _ **GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!**_

Ralph had never heard such a loud roar except from….

"What the-?!"

Except from himself?

His blood ran cold, the hair on the back of his neck stood up. The realization of what was happening hit him like a ton of bricks but he had to run out to see if it were real. It couldn't have been what he thought.

" _ **I'M GONNA WRECK IT!"**_

"H-Hey, I say that!"

"EVERYONE! THEY'RE HERE!" screamed Felix as a MASSIVE fist went right through the walls, one that looked nearly two times the size of Ralph's!

"BWOAH! WHAT THA HEY-HEY?!"

It was scary enough that someone else had punched through the apartment but what shocked Ralph the most was…..

"Is….is that a GLOVE?!"

The hand was gloved.

Well, it was the remains of a glove. The fabric was a little dingy and torn in places, the finger holes gone but the design looked familiar.

Very familiar.

Who else in Niceland wore fingerless, girly gloves but-?

"C'MERE LIL GUYS!" cackled a huge yet girly laugh, the other hand reaching in and pulling apart the walls "HAHAHA! THINK YOU CAN BUILD ON OUR TURF?!"

Ralph's eyes shrank down to pinpoints for the wrecker was…..NICELANDER LUCY?!

"… _what?"_

"Ralph, RUN!" Vanellope cried as she pulled the man towards the door "Don't let her catch ya! She'll tie ya up an' spin ya like a record!"

"W-wait, I don't know what's goin' on!" stammered Ralph as he tumbled out of the apartment but as he quickly saw, things were even more insane OUTSIDE.

"THERE THEY ARE!" cried another huge booming voice, Ralph looking up to see Carlos and Pearl leering down at the others and ready to pounce.

And they were _**HUGE.**_

"Oh, I wanna take the lil skinny one!" laughed Pearl "I wanna see how long he can last before he goes SNAP in my fingers!"

"You got him the last time!" growled Carlos "IT'S MY TURN!"

"Not again, not again!" wailed Felix as he ran with his wife for cover.

"Carlos, you take all the bendy people for yourself!" protested Pearl, giving him a shove "Let me enjoy some things for once!"

"You take all the ones that can BOUNCE!" said Carlos, puffing out his huge chest "YOU let me enjoy something!"

"No, YOU!" Pearl said as she gave the man a shove.

"No, YOU!" Carlos said as he returned the action.

And then the fight began.

OH PEARL. OH CARLOS.

Ralph was thanking his lucky stars that even in this state, some of the Nicelander's traits seems to keep in play, the two 'friends' now wrestling with each other on the grass and allowing the tiny group of four to make their escape.

"OW! OW!" cried Carlos "OW, no fair hitting me with the bulldozer, Pearly!"

Ralph could not believe what he was witnessing. Every Nicelander had been transformed into a, for the lack of better terms, a WRECKER version of themselves, their usually round and soft forms greatly exaggerated into beings of pure power and destruction and just like the Wrecker, they looked as roughed up and tumbled as he did.

The only difference was they seemed to be three times as BIGGER and seven times as ANGRY!

And they wanted to get Ralph and the others for themselves!

"RRRRRRGH!" shouted Lucy once she realized she had lost her target "C'mere ya lil weaklin's! I'm not done with ya!"

"I think I am!" said Ralph as he looked back, thinking quickly about how he could get the others away from them.

The trees?

The trees!

"Hmph, ya guys might be big but I still have PLENTY'A power myself!" the man grinned as he punched down a tree and then tossed it at Lucy, hitting her right in the forehead.

"OH!"

The young Wreck-Lander fell on her bottom, the entire ground shaking as she rubbed the sore spot on her head.

"Owie, owie, OWIE!" she whined, going into a tantrum, pounding the ground until it began to break under her fist "THE STINKY WANNA-BE WRECKER HIT ME! HE HIT MEEEEEEEE!"

"Uh, Felix?!" Ralph said as he looked over at the repairman "What the HECK is goin' on?!"

"What's goin' on? Tha same as ALWAYS!"

"ALWAYS?! We don't have to deal with THIS!"

"Yes we do!" said Vanellope "Every day, the Wreck-Landers come outta tha forest an' destroy th' apartment WE built on their land an' everyday Felix has to fix it!"

"There's only FOUR of us in here?!" said Ralph "How-!? How does that make sense?!"

"Those were tha only buildin' plans we had at tha time…." Said Calhoun, trying and failing at shooting a few of the Wreck-Landers "It seemed like a good idea at tha time an' it used all tha bricks we found in tha area…."

Felix looked back in-between his efforts of fixing things "But had we known that this was the Wreck-Landers'-!"

"STOP CALLIN' 'EM THAT!" shouted Ralph "WRECK-LANDERS?! They're BUTTERBALLS! THEY'RE NOT SUPPOED TO BE THIS BIG! I'M THE WRECKER! I AM!"

"You? A Wrecker?" Vanellope said, sniffing arrogantly "In your dreams, Ralph. You're no-way near as big as- _ **GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"**_

"VANELLOPE!" Ralph shouted as he and the others watched Vanellope get grabbed by-

"OH NO! IT'S WRECK-LANDER NEL!" Felix cried in horror, as if he were familiar with whatever torture she was capable of.

"Vanellope, glitch outta there!" Ralph called up but as much as Vanellope tried, the huge purple Wreck-Lander held tight to her, catching her every time.

"OOOOH! YOU'RE SO CUUUUUTE!" laughed Nel, her voice so loud "DO-HO-HO! You're gonna make tha CUTEST DOLLY!"

"NO! NO!" Vanellope begged "Not the dresses again! NOT THE DRESSES!"

Ralph looked over at Calhoun "Dresses?"

"Nel? She's always takin' out blankets an' materials from our stuff ta make dresses…." The marine growled "She caught me last week, put me in a TERRIBLE pink ball gown what would make even Barbie vomit at the sight!"

"GAAAH! NOT THE DRESS!"

"Vanellope!" Ralph cried in horror as he tried to rush the huge Nicelander but once more he was proven just how oddly strong these Wreck-Landers were. Nel saw the man coming, her big brown eyes shining bright as a huge smile came on her face.

"Aaaaah! It's Ralphie-Boo!"

And with one hand, Nel SMASHED Ralph on the ground-

"BWARGH!"

And plucked him up.

"HAWHAWHAW! I've been waitin' ta make a nice big suit for YOOOOU!" Nel cooed in a maddened voice, Ralph just looking in AWE at how she appeared in a Wrecker form.

" _An' she's supposed ta be tha tiny one…."_ The man gulped _"Tiny. TINY. Why-is-she-HUGE?"_

"Uh, Ralph?"

Ralph looked over, seeing that Nel had already done her work on Vanellope, the girl gripped in the other hand and wearing an AWFUL dress that looked even WORSE than the princess dress she was programed with.

Ralph would have laughed had he not been terrified.

"Help me, don't stare." The girl sighed, tapping her fingers on Nel's hand.

"I need time to rethink my life…..gimme a sec, Nelly."

"ME?" Nel blinked cluelessly.

"No, LITTLE Nel. Not BIG Nel!"

" _Duuuuh,_ OKAY!" smiled the Wreck-Lander "Just lemme pick out a cute little outfit for ya while ya think!"

"Look, Nel! You don't want me to be your model! I have a pie-gut an' my cheek-bones ain't cut out for it!"

Vanellope slapped her forehead, amazed by her friend's retort " _Ralph…._ "

"That's alright!" said Nel, picking up a pair of HUGE, and most importantly, SHARP and RUSTY scissors "Maybe I can trim off some of your fat an' then you'll fit!"

"OH PROGRAMMERS. WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

"Snip-snip-SNIP!"

"I'll save ya!" cried Vanellope, trying to glitch again "J-Just gimme a sec!"

"No, I don't want tha lil princess ta leave!" Nel whimpered.

"Sorry!" growled Vanellope "But I ain't no princess!"

Vanellope managed to get her foot free from Nel's form and rather than glitch on her, she took a much simpler way out; leaping right on Nel's nose "Boo!"

"Stop tha- _ **AAAAAAAAAAA!**_ " Nel said, punching HERSELF in the face in an attempt to get to Vanellope off. The girl tumbled down as the huge Wreck-Lander fell backwards but Ralph caught her in the nick of time, the man landing not-so-gracefully on his feet.

"OOF!"

"Thanks Stink-Breath…." Vanellope panted "But….in my haste, I just realized I made tha biggest mistake of my life."

"Ya got free. What could go worse from-?"

 _ **BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!**_

More shaking?

More trouble…..

Ralph looked up, seeing an even BIGGER form coming behind Nel, the 'smallest' of the Wreck-Landers rubbing her tender nose.

" **NEEEEEEEEEEEEL!?"** came the pit-deep voice **"WHAT STINKY MUD-MAN N LIL ANNOYIN THING DO TA NEL?!"**

Nel, playing up the cuteness that she had, sniffled and whimpered as she looked up at the figure, eyes glistening with tears, cheeks red.

"They-! They-! They made me hit my SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELF!" she bawled loudly, a stream of tears flowing from her eyes and SOAKING those below.

"Urgh! URGH!" Ralph cried, wet and tired "Nel, be a big girl an' SUCK IT UP!"

"WHAAAAAAAAT?!" boomed the voice, stepping out of the shadows. Ralph arched a brow, shaking his head.

"This is just got worse. Yup. MM-HMM, YEEEUH."

A bush of wild red hair.

Freckles everywhere.

SHARP CAT-LIKE TEETH?!

Wreck-Lander Norwood!

AND HE WAS ANGRY!

" _ **BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAWR!**_ " he roared, sounding more a like a massive BEAR than anything " _ **NO PEOPLES MAKE NEL HIT SHE-SELF! WRECK-LANDER NORWOOD FEEL DA ANGRY MADS NOW!**_ "

Ralph began banging his head on the nearest tree "WHY?! WHY?! WHY!?"

"Wreck-Lander Norwood make Wreck-Lander Nel feels aaaaalll better!" the giant red-head said as he petted Nel on her huge mop of curls "Wreck-lander Norwood call out his kitties!"

The man put his fingers in his mouth and whistled long and sharp, Ralph covering his ears at the shrill sound.

"AAAAAAH!" screamed Vanellope "He's gonna bring out his 'cats'!"

"Oh, great!" Ralph huffed "What are they since they're this big? Mountain lions?"

Several ferocious snarls were heard behind Ralph.

"As a matter of fact…." Said Vanellope "Yes. Big, angry, HUNGRY ones."

"I need the tree again…."

"Kitty go eat yum-yums!" Norwood laughed evilly as he pointed towards the two, the large beast going after Ralph and Vanellope as if they were giant hams with legs.

Back at the apartments, Calhoun and Felix were trying their best to take cover but with the amount of time that had passed since they saw their other friends, they were greatly worried.

"Where's Ralph an' Nelly?" Felix asked in worried "They've been gone for so long an-!"

"RUN!"

"Wait, there they are!" said Calhoun but her face quickly dropped once she saw that Ralph was carrying Vanellope and tearing off as fast as he could.

With an entire pack of mountain lions after him.

"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! WHAT?!"

"Ah, AH! RUN!" cried Felix as he took off, Calhoun following him. The group made their way through the forest but the chase only got worse when they noticed more and more Wreck-Landers following them! Meg, Kal, Tony, and Roy! They had joined in on the chase as well!

"I think at this point, I would rather get stepped on!" Ralph sobbed "At least that way, I'll go quick!"

"GET THEM!" shouted Lucy as she lead the group.

"Wait!" said Nolan "We forgot one thing!"

"An' what's that!?"

The former tennis instructor pointed towards the apartments.

Even with the damage it had taken, it was still standing.

"Oh." Lucy smiled, rubbing her lip "Of course."

 _ **WE'RE GONNA WRECK IT!**_

 **BAM!**

 **SMASH!**

 **BOOM!**

 **POW!**

The four had to stop and watch as Niceland was destroyed right before their eyes, the group of huge Nicelanders, or to put it correctly, WRECK-LANDERS, breaking, crushing, smashing, and shattering EVERYTHING in sight. Ralph was slack jawed at what he was witnessing, unsure of what to think or feel.

"That's….MY job…." The man said but seeing the Nicelander being so ruthless and cold in what they did?

It felt a little harrowing.

"OUR HOME!" cried Felix "Not again! Its even worse than before!"

Ralph lifted a finger "But-"

"Urgh, those darn Wreck-Landers! Who do they think they are?"

"I-"

Brick by brick the apartments were leveled to the ground, the Wreck-Landers laughing in pride at their accomplishment.

"Jezum crow…." Said Ralph "Even I don't gloat like that after a game. It's just a job! I don't do it for real!"

"Guys, the shore!" Vanellope pointed "We need ta get there if we wanna escape!"

"Wait, what shore?" Ralph asked "But there's no ocean in our ga-!"

"Everyone, get on the raft!" Calhoun said as she aimed her gun and began shooting as best she could towards the rampaging hoard but for some reason her bullets were not working. With each shot that was fired, they seemed to either be blocked or BOUNCED off the Wreck-landers' bodies.

Muscle and chub proved to be a GREAT insulator against gun blasts.

With no other choice, the others did as they were told and jumped on the raft and to Ralph's surprise the group of Wreck-Landers stopped at the edge of the sand, the look of them roaring and growling angrily as the group got away.

"They're gettin' away!" shouted Nolan.

"Everyone! Throw Roy into the water!"

"WH-WHAT!? NO-YAAAAUGH!"

SPLASH.

"Wait, does Roy even know how to swim?" asked Kal, looking at the bubbles floating on the surface.

"Wow, I don't act that badly do I?" panted Ralph as he looked back at the others.

"What do ya mean?" asked Vanellope, paddling as fast as she could "From tha way you've been goin' on, it sounds like YA are tha Wrecker!"

"But I am!" said Ralph "I mean….I THOUGHT I was. I'm so confused right now."

"Don't worry." Calhoun said as she looked back "Now that the others are back at the shore, we should be safe."

Ralph looked back, counting down the Wreck-Landers he saw at the shore.

"Meg, Lucy, Nel, Norwood…." He said.

Again something was off.

"Hey….is that ALL tha, as ya call 'em, WRECK-LANDERS?"

"Um, why do ya ask?" meeped Vanellope.

The wrecker got a sinking feeling his stomach. Things couldn't have been THIS easy.

"Keep paddlin'!" ordered Calhoun "If we keep this pace, we might be able ta make it ta land in an h-!"

Ralph looked down at the water, feeling something sinister within. The pixels created a nice blue sheen from the reflection of the sun but there was something darker below. Something big.

SOMETHING THAT WAS GETTING CLOSE!

"Uh-oh, UH-OH!" said Ralph as he got to his feet "Paddle faster, PADDLE FA-!"

The water bubbled and crashed around the small raft as a huge pair of hands EXPLODED out of the water, the tiny group of four crying out and clutching each other for dear life.

"OH MAH LAND!" shouted Felix "WHAT IS GOIN'-!"

"GOTCHAAAAAAA!"

WRECK-LANDER DON.

Ralph should have known it was dangerous to go into the water….

The biggest of the Nicelanders translated into an even BIGGER Wreck-Lander and being the water lover he was, he had risen out of the depths like some sort of monster.

"Thought you could get away?" he sneered "The boss won't like that…."

"W-W-Who is this BOSS?" Vanellope shivered.

"I dunno, but I DON'T wanna find out!" growled Ralph, taking an oar and smacking Don on the nose with it "BACK! BACK WATER-BUG!"

"That's not very polite!" the huge Wreck-Lander said as he took a hold of the paddle and broke it between his fingers as if it were a tooth pick "Maybe the boss wouldn't mind if I drowned ya. By ACCIDENT of course!"

"Please tell me ya got somethin' in that weapons bag, Sarge!"

"I do, but everything bounces off 'em like rubber!" growled Calhoun.

"Well, they ARE kinda well-padded after all…."

"I got this!"

"FELIX?!"

The little repairman had felt he had hidden behind everyone for far too long and with one giant leap, he held his mighty golden hammer above his head-

" _ **I CAN-! UH-! HIT IT!"**_

And with that, POW! He nailed DON right in the face!

" _ **GYWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"**_

"Wait, I hit as hard as I can an' they get mad at me?! Felix takes one hit an' they're down?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS DAY?!"

Don dropped the raft back into the water but in doing so, the four found they were without any way of floating to land safely.

"Aw, thanks Felix!" Ralph said as he spit out water "Maybe ya cudda done that when we were near land or somethin'?!"

"But I got him ta drop us, so stop gettin' on my case!"

"I'll stop gettin' on your case when I figure out what tha heck is goin' on here!"

"URRRGH! Stupid little weaklings!"

Ralph looked up, Don reached down towards them "Aw yeah, I forget he was still here. SWIM!"

Don splashed and failed as he tried to grab the terrified swimmers but thankfully, by some miracle of the code gods, the four managed to evade his clutches. Land was just in view so they had to keep paddling, even if the huge Wreck-Lander Don was behind them like a shark.

A huge, angry, Wrecking shark.

"Almost-! THERE!" Ralph panted as Vanellope rode on his back "Can-! ALMOST TASTE THE SAND!"

"Ya wanna swim?!" Don shouted "THEN FINE!"

The huge Wreck-Lander raised his hand and PLUNGED it into the water, causing a massive tidal wave to rise behind the group. Their screams were covered as the water fell upon them, swirling them in a strong whirlpool of doom. Ralph could see the others struggling but the currents were too great, they could not fight against it! He reached out for them but the more he struggled, the weaker he became, his chest begging for air, his limbs aching, his vision darkening….

Darkening….

 _Darkening….._

 _And then…._

"AaaaAARCK!" coughed the Wrecker, spitting out water but finding that the surface he was on was grainy.

Sand? Could it have been land?

It WAS land!

"Oh thank the programmers!" Ralph panted, tears of joy coming down his face. He went to his knees and kissed the ground "Pfft! Land! PFFT! PFFFFT! Land, oh sweet land!"

"Uuurgh, Ralph?"

"Vanellope?"

The racer was safe too, hanging from a tree by her hoodie.

"How did I get up here?" she moaned, swinging and sopping wet "Am I offline?"

"No, no. You're fine!" the man said as he climbed up and plucked the girl into his arms "Just breathe….."

"Where are the others?"

"MMPPH! MMMMPH!"

Ralph looked to the side to see a pair of legs kicking and failing from a large sand bank.

Felix.

"Hold on buddy, I gotcha!" the Wrecker said as he pulled the repairman from the sand, Felix coughing up buckets of sand.

"Ack-ACK! I-is it over?!"

"Guys? GUUUUYS?"

Calhoun.

And she was ensnared in a few vines and branches.

" _Ffff! Stupid things!"_

She didn't wait a moment to blast the vines off her with her guns, staggering to her feet as she looked around.

"Everyone in one piece?"

"Looks like it…." Ralph said, looking around in caution. He turned towards the other side of the shore, seeing not a sign of the Wreck-Landers to be found and Don? If Don were around, he was deep beneath the waves.

"Programmers, what a day…."

"It ain't over yet…." Said Calhoun "We gotta find cover before any of those hulks find us!"

"Yeah, but where?" asked Ralph "They seem ta be everywhere. Land, SEA. If I see one of 'em flyin', I quit life, PERIOD!"

"No, they're too heavy ta fly…." Said Felix, taking a lighted torch from his wife "But ever since we bulldozed their land, man! They've been gunnin' after us!"

"Urgh, enough with this bulldoze their land stuff!" cried a frustrated Ralph " _ **I**_ was tha one who lived in tha forest, remember?"

"Yeah, an' you were tha one who said 'We need to build a home so we can be safe! Tha woods are too dangerous!" said Vanellope.

"I don't remember sayin' that!" protested Ralph.

"An' then we found this random plan for the apartment an' built that."

"Wait, if ya can build ANYTHIN' Felix, couldn't we have just made a floorplan for somethin', I don't know, SIMPLER?!"

"But then tha Wreck-Landers got angry an' started wreckin' everythin' in sight!" growled Calhoun "Our lives have been a livin' heck ever since! Day in an' day out, they wanna smash us, bash us, turn us ta dust. We tried talkin' with 'em but they just get angry an' wrecker everythin'!"

" _My head hurts….."_ Ralph moaned "I would just bash my head against a rock but….yeah, maybe I will. That might actually help with all of this."

"We're just tellin' tha truth, Ralph." Said Felix "We either rebuild or run but whatever happened today? Boy, they sure are in a tizzy!"

Ralph buried his face in his hands, still trying to figure out everything he had been told. It was one thing to find out that his wrecking status had been taken but to be beaten by giant, mutant killer Nicelanders?

THAT was something to behold.

"I just wanna go home." The man moaned "I wanna go home an' sleep. Sleep till I can't sleep no more."

"Say, where are we even goin'?" asked Vanellope "Tha main village is back on tha other side of the ocean."

"We just need shelter for tonight…." Said Calhoun "Besides, it's gettin' cold."

Cold?

"Yeah, I noticed that too…." Felix shivered, covering his arms "Brrrr. It was kinda hot a few moments ago."

"Ah-huh." Nodded Vanellope "It's gettin' REALLY cold!"

COLD.

This couldn't be good.

Ralph knew what COLD meant. Ralph knew who BROUGHT cold EVERYWHERE she went.

He had counted all the Wreck-Landers right?

The man stopped in his tracks, as still as a statue.

" _Guys."_

Calhoun turned back, seeing the look of pure horror on Ralph's face.

"Ralph?"

" _Don't…move."_

Calhoun's hands reached for her gun "Why n-?"

"SHH!"

The area was dark, a chilling breeze all around. The air around the four was still, haunting and bone-chilling. Not a sound could be heard; not the breeze, not the water, not an animal. Only hearts, hearts beating with fright in chest.

 _And then….._

HANDS.

Ralph looked back as TWO HUGE HANDS slowly reached out from the shadows, fingers pointed down towards the tiny figures below! The former 'Wrecker' tried to give out a cry but it was too late. He and the others were quickly caught in the bone-crushing grasp of-!

 **WRECK-LANDER DEANNA!**

And to say she looked even scarier as a Wreck-Lander would have been an understatement.

"I think my soul just died….." Ralph whimpered as he looked up at the empty, soulless eyes of the huge woman. To further fuel his terror, she turned and looked right at him, the man seeing nothing reflected in her eyes.

 _Per the norm….._

"I think Big Gene should like this….." the woman said, her voice making everyone's bones rattle "He shall like this indeed!"

Ralph gulped; the entire day had been a nightmare but what was he looking towards now? Deanna stomped off further and further into the forest until a clearing was seen. The light of a huge bon-fire could be seen by the group and to their shock, the other Wreck-Landers were there, talking among themselves but all went silent as Deanna brought the captives before them, all four held against her chest.

TIGHTLY.

"I….FEEL…..AKWARD." said Calhoun, not having moved an inch, not that she wanted to "Uugh! Don't worry Felix, I'll get you outta here!"

No reply.

Calhoun looked around for her husband, "Honey? HONEY!"

"MMPH! HELF ME!" Felix cried out, stuck in-between…. _a place._

"OH GOD! SOMEONE PULL HIM OUTTA THOSE THINGS BEFORE HE SUFFOCATES!"

"Let us go!" Ralph fought but found Deanna was much too strong for him "You guys! This isn't right! Ya don't need ta do this to us! We haven't done ANYTHIN' to ya! We just-!"

"Hush….." the woman said, her voice still soft but still frightening no matter what form she took "Big Gene is going to speak."

"Yeah, I wanna see this BIG GENE." The Wrecker frowned, his fist waiting for a fight but as Deanna brought them closer, the light of the fire allowed them to see better. He could see a seat, a HUGE seat and a HUGE figure sitting in it. Next to that seat was another figure, another figure in a tattered pink dress-like outfit. Her hat was gone, her gloves were off but as she sat beside the throne of the figure, Ralph could clearly make out who it was.

"Don't be too hard on them, Genie….."

"M-M-Ms. Mary?!"

"I mean, don't be too hard on them as not to leave anything. I want to have some fun too!"

In the darkness, Ralph could make out two cold blue eyes and the flashing white grin of a sharp set of teeth.

"Don't worry, Mary-kins. Big Gene will leave plenty for you to have fun with."

"Oh-ho-ho! Gene, you know how to take care of a girl!"

It was Nicelander Mary alright or perhaps to put it better, Wreck-Lander Mary! She looked so flighty though, as if her mind wasn't one hundred percent there. She sighed heavenly as she leaned next to her king, taking his arm and cuddling it.

From the position that Gene had placed himself in, he might as well have been king.

"Heh. Let them go."

The voice was so cold, so teasing. It sounded NOTHING like the voice Ralph and the others were familiar with. Granted, with everything that had happened that day, NOTHING was familiar.

Deanna did as she was told, dropping the prisoners onto the ground none too gently.

"BWAURGH! AIR!" Felix said as he huddled on the ground, shaking "Marshmallow death! MARSHMALLOW DEATH!"

Ralph got to his feet first, rushing to the others and covering them in protection but it meant nothing given the way the huge figure before them was chortling at them.

"Hehe, well look what we have here….." said the leader Wreck-Lander "The mighty core four appear before us lowly Wreck-Landers."

"Eh-heh, the pleasure is all ours?" Ralph said with a nervous smirk, stepping before the others.

"I heard from the others that you gave them quiet the fight, young man." 'Big Gene' continued, most of his figure shrouded in shadows but Ralph could make out his smile, his crooked sneer as he looked at the others as if they were bugs.

"W-We do what we can, BIG GENE." Ralph growled, refusing to back down "After all, we had to defend the apartment…. _I guess. I don't know anymore."_

The Wreck-Lander placed a hand atop Mary's head, the lady in pink mewling in content as he leaned on the leader of the group, her eyes filled with hearts.

"You mean the apartment you built on OUR land." Gene retorted "The land that WE had that YOU bulldozed?"

"Isn't that just part of the game?" Ralph said, scratching his head and trying his best to remember "I never took all of this so seriously so what-?"

"We lived on that land for YEARS, Ralph!" the leader Wreck-Lander boomed "And you think you can just kick us out?! Leaving us with NOTHING but stumps and broken trees?! TO SLEEP ON BRICKS?!"

"Uh, given how much bigger you guys are compared to ME? I don't think there are enough bricks in the arcade to cover you guys….."

"This is no GAME, RALPH." Said the leader "We have had enough and we are not going to let you guys push us around anymore!"

"Hey, hey, hey, HEY!" Ralph protested "If ya guys just wanted us gone, ya could have just TOLD US. We would have left! Or….WHATEVER! I don't know what's goin' on anymore!"

"Ralph, please!" begged Felix "Big Gene is mad enough, I don't want ta see him when he's really teed!"

"Ya wanna know who's TEED?!" Ralph growled, turning red in frustration and confusion "I AM!"

"Ralph, shut up!" said Calhoun.

"What in tha ho-ha is goin' on here?! I wake up in tha apartments, things look fine but then all'ova sudden I've been chased, smashed, threatened to be put in an ugly dress-!"

" _ **NO PERSONS CALLS NEL'S DRESS UGLY, STINKY RED MAN!"**_

"AUUUUUUUUUURGH! What is wrong with this game?! Is this a joke?! Did someone unlock somethin' that opens up a new program while I wasn't lookin'?! SOMEONE ANSWER ME BEFORE MY HEAD EXPLODES!"

"Game?"

Ralph looked over, the Wreck-Lander figure rising from his seat. The shadow LOOMED over the four and as Ralph could see, BIG GENE was indeed BIG. Bigger than ALL of the other Wreck-Landers!

He was still blue, still chubby but being 'Wrecked' he was a towering wall of POWER.

Gene's dream, Ralph's NIGHTMARE.

" _Oh good lord."_

Gene, Mary still clutching onto his leg in pure bliss and love, moved forward and when Ralph saw the MADDNESS in his eyes, he KNEW he was in trouble.

"This is NO GAME, Ralph!" the man laughed "Everything is going to end as it should!"

"E-E-End?"

The huge Wreck-lander, a smug grin on his face, lifted a hand in the air and snapped his fingers.

"Dough!"

Felix whimpered "Dough?"

The other Wreck-Landers began to chant, whooping and hollering as they raised their hands in the air and jumped up and down, the entire area shaking from their weight.

 _ **DOUGH! DOUGH! DOUGH! DOUGH! DOUGH!**_

Ralph looked back as his friends were YANKED off the ground and carried off!

"GUYS!"

Screams couldn't help, the other three thrown into huge cast-iron tins that were lined with sticky dough.

PIE DOUGH.

Ralph could have fallen into pixels once he realized what was about to happen.

Gene smiled again, an evil glint in his eye "Filling!"

 _ **FILLING! FILLING! FILLING! FILLING! FILLING!**_

The three were then covered with a sweet, berry filing that covered them from head to toe, the pie so deep that even Calhoun struggled to keep her head in the air. Vanellope glitched but could not escape, coughing and choking on the berries that filled her mouth and lungs, arms flailing, legs kicking.

"H-HELP!"

"NO! NO, DON'T TURN THEM INTO A PIE!" Ralph cried out but as he reached out for them, Gene's huge hand landed on him in a crushing blow, lifting him up into the air.

"Don't leave so soon." The Wreck-Lander said "We want you to see this!"

"Gene, guys! This isn't right!"

"It is right!" said the Wreck-Lander, picking Mary up and kissing her sweetly as if to push Ralph even further into anger "We're bad guys so we do bad things. But I guess in this case, YOU'RE the bad guy so it's FREE for us to do bad things!"

"That makes no sense an' ya know it!"

"RALPH, HELP UPS!" Felix fried out as laces of pie dough were put around him and the others "I know I like pie but I never wanted ta get THIS in-depth in tha bakin' process of one!"

"Uuh, hang on!" Ralph cried out "I'll find a way to save you!"

"PIE PIE PIE!" cheered Lucy "I WANNA HAVE ME SOME FIX-IT PIE!"

The other Wreck-Landers began to chant after the girl, the huge pie being lowered onto a fire. Ralph could feel the heat even from where he hung, the filling already bubbling hot as the other cried out for help.

HELP US!

DON'T LET THEM COOK US!

URGH! THEY USED MILK!? I'M ALLERGIC TO MILK!

"GWAAAURGH! My brain can't take this any longer!" Ralph shouted as he held his hands to his ears "This isn't right! There are no other Wrecker in the game! Why aren't ya guys tha cute lil butter balls like you're supposed ta be?! I'd rather have THAT than THIS!"

"Sorry Ralph!" Gene said, snuggling even closer to Mary, his cheeks smushing against hers "But this is BLWA BLAH BLAH!"

Ralph blinked "HAWN?"

"BLAH BLAH BLAH BU BU BLAH!"

Ralph looked at Gene, the man still smiling at him as if nothing odd had been exchanged.

"Gene?"

"BLWAH BLWAH BLUE HO HO HO HO HO! BLAH!"

Mary turned to her husband and tittered playfully "MEH MEH MEH MEH TEE HEE HEE!"

As if things could not get any weirder.

Ralph turned towards the others baking in the pie, the three flailing and screaming.

"Ralph!" cried Felix "Help KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!"

"Uh, excuse me?"

Vanellope glitched "Ralph, PO PO PO PO PO LOLO LAAAAA!"

Calhoun?

"SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM YELLIN' SOMETHING CURSE WORDS DIRECTED AT RALPH!"

"I'm dead aren't I?" said Ralph "This is death an' this is my punishment for what I did to the punch bowl!"

Gene laughed deeply again, shaking Ralph in his hands.

"BWAHARHARHARHAR! I WANT ME SOME WRECK-IT-RALPH MEAT!"

"So you CAN speak English?!"

"Num num num, I wonder if Ralph taste as meaty as he looks." Said the massive Wreck-Lander, licking his chops.

"AH! AUUURGH! NO! GENE, DON'T!"

"BLA BLA BAL BLU BLAAAH!"

"SPEAK REAL WORDS AGAIN! SPEAK REAL WORDS AGAIN!"

Gene raised Ralph higher, the man seeing his knife-sharp teeth.

" _ **BWAHAHAHA! BIG GENE HON-GRY!"**_

"Miss Mary! SPEAK SOME SENSE IN HIM!" Ralph begged.

Mary went wall-eyed, smiling like a fool "MEH MEH MHEM HEM TEE HEE HEE HEE SHUT UP RALPH!"

HA HA HA NE NE NU!

PLEH PLEH PLEH KEEEEEEH!

MAW MAW MAW MAW MAW MAW DOOKIE?

HE HE HE HE WAAAAAH!

FIND DA COMPUTER ROOM?

So many sounds, so much laughter! Ralph could not keep his head in place to what he was hearing but in his lapse of focus, he had not noticed Gene lifting him above his mouth…..

"Aw, COCONUTS!"

And DROPPING HIM INSIDE!

" _ **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUU-!"**_

"OH PROGRAMMERS! OH PROGRAMMERS! I'M GONNA WRECK IT?!"

Ralph fumbled and stumbled out of the bed, landing on his back as the clock CLOCKED him in the nose. He gave a moan but moments later….

" _Home?"_

Everything looked normal enough. Same shack, same bricks. He wasn't fighting with sharp teeth or mutant 'Wreck-Landers'.

"I'M HOME!" the man cried getting on his feet and RUNNING out of his house in his pjs, not caring an inch if people saw him. Ralph skipped and rolled on the grass in happiness, ripping large clumps of dirt out of the ground and kissing them.

"MWA MWA!" he said, spitting out the clumps a few seconds later "Okay, that was a stupid thing to do but I'M SO HAPPY!"

Ralph turned towards Niceland, busting in through the door and running through the halls.

"GUYS! GUUUUUUYS!"

"Umgh, Ralph?" Lucy moaned as she opened the door "What the heck are ya doin'? Its five in tha WAAAAURGH!"

"Oh Lucy! LUCY!" the man said as he picked up and hugged the Nicelander "You're NORMAL! YOU'RE YOU! YOU'RE PERFECT!"

"Ralph, you're shovin' me in your armpit!" Lucy screamed "GWAUGH! PUT ME DOWN!"

Ralph did no such thing, carrying the screaming Nicelander in his arms as he continued to make his way down the halls.

"Don! You're not some scary shark-biting thing!"

"Uh, okay?"

"Deanna! You're back to your normal scary self!"

"…."

And then Deanna shut her door.

"NEL!" Ralph said, grinning from ear to ear "YOU'RE-! You're sleepin' in Norwood's apartment again an' I know tha reason why BUT THANK THA PROGRAMMERS YOU'RE BOTH BACK TA NORMAL! NO MOUNTAIN LIONS!"

"What do ya mean Nel's in Norwood's apartment?!" screamed Nolan.

"Urgh, get a grip, cuz!"

"Ralph?" yawned Calhoun as she walked out the apartment, Felix following her "What in tha world is goin' on?"

"You're not PIE!" Ralph cried in joy as he ran over and grabbed the husband in wife, Lucy still in his arms as well, and gave them a bone-crushing hug "You're not pie, you're not dead! You're not DEAD PIE!"

"Ralph!" Felix choked "I think you ruptured my diaphragm!"

"Where's Gene?!" Ralph said, looking around "Where's Mary?! Are they okay?"

"Ralph, are ya okay?" asked Calhoun "Cuz I think ya shouldn't-!"

Without even thinking, Ralph PUNCHED the door to the Mayor's apartment open, both Nicelanders screaming as they were interrupted in their 'slumber'.

" _ **SWEET GHOST OF MIYAMOTO!"**_ Gene shouted _**"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!**_ "

"Gene, you're not big an' hungry!" Ralph cried out, falling to his knees "You're just SMALL an' hungry!"

Mary covered herself with her blanket, in complete awe in what was happening "Young man, do you know what time it is?!"

"It's a WONDERFUL time!" Ralph sobbed "It's a wonderful time to be alive! I never would have thought I would love seein' ya guys like this! Back ta tha lil butter chunks ya were always meant ta be!"

"You have five seconds to explain yourself." Gene said flatly "FIVE."

"What is there to explain?! This is PERFECT!" Ralph said as he took Gene into his hands and lifted him off the ground "I never thought I would be so glad to see your puffy mug Gene! Ya would not believe tha HORROR I went thought, seein' ya as some sort of mutated Wreck-Lander who was gonna eat me!"

Gene blinked but remained silent; he needed to take this in.

"Though its funny!" Ralph panted "ALL my nightmares about YOU have somethin' ta do with ya eatin' people. I don't get it but oh thank GOODNESS this is all over! Ya wouldn't fathom what I went through, Genie! So much chasin' so, so much screamin'! So much-!"

 _ ***KRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH!***_

And without another word, Gene threw Ralph out the window.

"GENE!" Mary scolded in anger "Why in the arcade would you do a thing like that?! _**HOW**_ did you do that!?"

Gene said nothing as he angrily slammed the door to the bedroom, the others standing in shock.

"Well…..who wants breakfast?" said Calhoun as she looked down at the others.

"I'M OH- _ **KAY!**_ " called Ralph from outside the apartment " _Ow…_ "

"Say, since Gene n' Mary were caught in tha act too, can ya be a lil LESS angry at me, Nolan?"

"SHUT UP, NOROOD."


End file.
